Zen and the Art of Botox Maintenance
Not a doctor not a doctor not a doctor!
Botox is a subject I just don’t want to talk about. But it’s exactly the sort of thing a person in their 40’s is expected to be talking about on a blog that’s about beauty and aging. Especially if that person makes their living in front of the camera…
And BECAUSE it’s expected is exactly WHY I don’t want to be writing about this. Ugh, so cliché! It’s not that I’m ashamed; I’ve never hidden the fact that I’ve had it done. It’s not that I’m praising it, either — as I type, my face is completely toxin-free. And I honestly don’t know when/if I’ll ever get it done again.
But recently I’ve gotten a handful of DM’s and emails from people wanting to know more about injectibles — so instead of having 4-5 separate conversations, I thought I should just write the post, despite my discomfort. I remember not too long ago having questions and fears of my own, and am so grateful to those (my friends and doctors and skin experts) who guided me through the first steps.
Now is where I reiterate that I’m not an expert. And I’m not a doctor. So I cannot give you my opinion on whether it’s safe or what the medical risks are etc. — sorry!
The year I was on Grey’s was the year I had the most Botox injected — I got it in my crow’s feet, my forehead, my neck and also my jaw for teeth grinding (an actual legit, medical reason). Nobody asked me to do any of this, I personally decided to go for it because I wanted to feel less self-conscious on camera.
And did I actually feel less self-conscious? Yes, I did! For me, that actually did work. I was really happy and felt it looked natural. I didn’t find that it impacted my ability to emote or have a wide range of expression. And Botox works better than any eye or wrinkle cream, hands down. It pretty much completely erases (or rather, freezes) what you want it to.
However, there are other things about getting Botox that surprised me— so I’m going to list some of those below. Again, this was my experience. Yours may be different.
Apologies for the randomness of this list.
Botox is not covered by insurance. At least not mine. Not even the teeth grinding, which was a medical reason. I’m not going to go into the very boring logistics why, just know that to get my jaw area covered was going to require extra steps I wasn’t willing to go through with my particular insurance plan/state.
It’s expensive. Even at a discount (I often took advantage of holiday specials and such) I spent about $200-$250 for my crows feet, $315-$400 for the forehead. I can’t remember exactly how much I spent on the jaw/neck but I feel like it was around another $200-$400.
The results start going away after a few months, in other words, way too soon for me to keep spending $1000 for upkeep. I would probably do it again for my crows feet and forehead, but never again for my teeth grinding (I didn’t notice a difference) or my neck.
It doesn’t hurt too much (feels like a tiny prick). But when I kept getting pricked over and over in certain areas where I’m sensitive (like my neck) I found it hard to just sit still.
I was surprised the first time I got Botox done in my forehead (which I’ve had done twice now). An unexpected result (that doesn’t happen to everyone) is that my eyebrows involuntarily shot up (a la Spock from Star Trek or Jack Nicholson) while the toxin froze the areas around them. You need to wait around two weeks with your freaky eyebrows before your injector can adjust.
I’ve gone to dermatologists, I’ve gone to medical spas. I don’t want to share who I’ve used publicly, because some of these places have sometimes (not always) tried to upsell me (trying to get me to add on lip fillers and the like). And I’m not okay with recommending them based on that behavior even though it’s common. However, if you still want to know, contact me.
If you live in LA like me, the really “good” injectors have long wait lists. So you have to plan when you want to get it done. You also have to plan for potential Spock brows. It’s a job figuring out when to schedule it if you’re trying to do it for a special occasion or an event.
I was surprised at how many people I know (not just in the entertainment industry) have had Botox done since their 20’s! I cannot speak to using it as “prevention,” since I started in my mid 40’s but Dr. Shereene Idriss (who IS a board-certified dermatologist) recently posted about this.
I now notice/guess who has had Botox done and who hasn’t. I can see tiny traces of Spock brows and I’m very conscious of any completely wrinkle-free foreheads. Did they? Or didn’t they? And it takes me out of the experience of being present — with the person, with whatever I’m watching, etc. — I know it sounds superficial and judgemental. And it’s coming from the insecure place in myself where I feared I was being judged. I really don’t love this and wish I could go back to a time P.B. (pre-Botox) when I wasn’t so aware of this. Maybe that’s the real reason why I didn’t want to write about this. I’m afraid you’ll never be able to look at me again without looking at my forehead first.
The weirdest thing about all of this is that I no longer mind my wrinkles. I’m not sure if the skincare system/gadgets I currently use are working to diminish them (stay tuned for all that in an upcoming YouTube video/post) or if I just don’t care as much anymore. Or if the maintenance/cost/psychology of it all just isn’t worth it to me anymore.
I also haven’t acted on camera in a while. So who’s to say — if Grey’s Anatomy calls (I haven’t been asked back in a year but ya never know) I might just get it done again after seeing a few episodes. Or I might try a Botox alternative.
But I don’t have any plans to. For now, I’m actually very happy with the skin I’m in and honestly, I don’t know if I could’ve gotten to this place without trying first.
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This was actually really helpful. I am not against Botox, but have reservations, though I briefly and still do look into it for treatment of some long-lasting damage that I sustained from Bells Palsy. Like many cosmetic treatments like laser resurfacing, however, it requires multiple sessions. I think I'm just afraid of liking it *too* much since cost is so prohibitive.