Sleep Stuff
from a tired, non-sleep expert
When I first moved to LA in 2005 I babysat for many couples (I won’t name drop here but let’s just say the most famous couples were the most down-to-earth ones, and the biggest jerks were the people who represented them) and was fascinated by how different all the children’s bedtime rituals were. There are so many tips/tricks to put a small human to bed, I figured I would treat myself the same way through each sleep stage of my own growth.
The last time I went to bed at night and then woke up, uninterrupted the next morning was pre-perimenopause, around 2 or 3 years ago. For my first year, I averaged about 3-4 hours, which was not good for the health of my body, mind, or household. Then I figured out a pretty good system where I now average about 6-8 hours, even if I do wake up constantly to pee.
This is my current “wind down routine.” That is literally what Abe and I call it now, and it’s effective in visualizing that it takes time to shift into go-to-sleep mode when I really want to watch another episode of Love on the Spectrum (BTW the latest season is so sweet).
Experts say you should stop eating/drinking 2-3 hours before bed, but I have psychological issues stemming from my eating disorder days, so one hour is the best I can do without chewing. I know that getting up to go to the bathroom every few hours is not helping, but I also have other psychological issues stemming from my frequent UTI years when it comes to bathroom behavior (a whole other blog post).
I mentioned in my bean diet post that they haven’t been helpful for my own slumber, but my last snack is usually a bowl of unshelled edamame, followed by some Magnesium Glycinate (both in pill/gummy form). I don’t usually have trouble falling asleep but sometimes, if I can sense my body isn’t tired or I’ve just gotten back from an event and am still all wound up (AHA this is probably why I call it winding down) I’ll take an Alice Nightcap Mushroom Chocolate or a CBD gummy to help. Right now I’m trying out a free sample from Cured — their Dream Gummies — and they work great, though they definitely taste a bit weed-y (I much prefer the strawberry to the grape flavor, but probably because 🍇 reminds me of cough syrup). Both of these options are melatonin-free. When I was first going through perimenopause I became a bit dependent the 3mg of melatonin in Olly Sleep Gummies, so now I try not to take that unless I’m traveling and need a drugstore option.
After brushing my teeth/skincare, the sleep mummy ritual begins.
Night guard — I grind my teeth so I’ve gone through several night guards. A few years ago I realized it was much cheaper to do it on my own and not via my dentist. I ordered two of the “Flexible Super Hard Teeth Grinding Night Guard” from Sporting Smiles in 2024 and the first one is still in great shape; it was a little tricky to get the tooth molds correct, but they were very helpful over the phone and also sent me extra materials to get the fit exactly right.
Hair Covers — I started wearing these when I re-dyed my hair brown and the temporary grey coverage would rub off onto my pillows. I don’t like the look of silk pillowcases on my bed during the day (yes even though I’m the only who sees them) so I began wearing hair bonnets. I have several, in mulberry silk and satin, the kinds you can wrap around your head with a bow and the kinds you use a little elastic in the back to tighten. But my favorite one right now is this satin-lined sleep beanie by Kitsch because you can easily just slip it on and it stays put.
Hand Care — This is when I slather on a thick, unscented hand cream like Remedy’s (I love this formula but despise the packaging) or La Roche-Posay Cicaplast Balm, over a thin layer of whatever retinal product failed my face. I’ll dab some Kerasal on my cuticles (these are for the feet but I’ve found it’s great at preventing hangnails). I just started experimenting with a brand new product, Alloy’s M4 Body Treatment Rx (gifted from the company) which is an estriol and peptide body treatment. I have been using their face/eye cream and have been pretty happy with the texture of my skin so I’m curious to see how good my knees (my KNEES?!) look in a few months. (Use code LYNN20 for a discount site-wide, but I think there may be a better discount using code MOM2026 for Mother’s Day.)
Eye Drops — I’m really happy to say that after almost a year of severe dry eye, I’m finally off prescription drops (I had used Xiidra) and only have to use regular preservative-free ones a million times a day. But right before bed, I need a stronger gel kind and so I have been using this (it’s not PF) once a day.
Sleep Spray — I was gifted some Dream-y Mist from Pixi and TBH felt it was pretty extra but now it’s a part of this ritual that signals to my mind: SLEEPYTIME. It has Jasmine, Lavender, and Chamomile and my skin feels dewy and fresh, not tight, after using it. I will say that the fragrance reminds me more of… grape jello?!? (Probably because it is in a purple bottle.) In the past I’ve used This Stuff Works Pillow Spray which has a much more sophisticated scent (but for my pillow, not my face).
Magnesium Foot Cream — When I first began perimenopause, I used to wake up constantly with foot cramps. Along with the magnesium glycinate supplements I mentioned above, I have found that applying magnesium cream topically to the bottoms of my feet and calves have kept the cramping at bay. When I don’t apply it religiously, they come back, so I know it works. I use the Asutra Melt Pain Away Cream which doesn’t leave a weird residue and just feels like a thick lotion with a mild scent (I use the lavender one; they also have it in lemongrass). I used to use the same brand’s one for sleep, but when I was getting off of melatonin my doctor told me not to use it topically so I switched to this one.
CeraVe Healing Ointment — I’ll slug my entire face/hands/neck/lips to seal in all my skincare. I’m a real greaseball at this point, but it all soaks in quickly.
Eye masks — When my dry eye was really bad I often used heated eye masks to help keep them moisturized. I started off with the disposable kind, and now I have a rechargeable one by Aroma. I also like this non-heated version by Kitsch which keeps the light out without being too tight.
Sunbeam heating pad — Similar to the heat on my eyes, I now need to have some warmth on my body too. The only time I don’t have it on is when it’s very hot/humid or when I’m having a rare case of the night sweats (more on that, below). I got a special cover for it so I can wash it often.
Soundcore Ear Plugs — I initially got these to block out Abe’s snoring but in the last few months, his snoring has reduced a lot (and I’ve been told that mine has increased). Nevertheless, these ear buds are comfy, stay in place all night, and can easily shift between white noise and hypnotherapy with just a double tap. The app also tells you how long you’re asleep but I stopped tracking that; numbers make me anxious.
Humidifier — As someone with asthma and dry skin, it is helpful for me to have at least 45% humidity in the air while I slumber. This $60 one by Dreo is really easy to clean and refill.
Mattress topper — A few months ago, Abe’s mom asked how long it has been since we got a new mattress and the answer is… I can’t even remember buying our current mattress?!? Certainly before we got married, and we just celebrated our 23rd anniversary. However, I wanted to see if we could save some serious $$$ by buying a mattress topper instead, so I did a lot of research, and I’m happy to report that this one by Viscosoft feels amazing. It was also less than $200. Maybe we can hold off from buying a new mattress until our 30th anniversary?!
Sheets/Duvet cover — I know that sheets are very personal, but in case there is anyone else out there who loves the look of linen sheets but cannot STAND the feeling of them for the first fifty washes, may I suggest the Target Casaluna set which is a linen blend and is actually soft right out of the package. This particular duvet cover is also very heavy, like a weighted blanket, which I find soothing — but it takes a long time to wash/dry.
Prescription sleep pills — In the past, I have used both Xanax and Ambien to help my insomnia, but the biggest game changer for my perimenopause sleep woes was Trazodone. I was instructed to take 1-2 pills a night but have found that I only need a quarter of one, maybe once a week, if I find myself unable to go back to sleep in the middle of the night. I think just knowing it’s there helps to ease any anxiety, and the best part is that I never wake up groggy the following day.
Perfect pretty pajamas — Luckily, my night sweats disappeared when I started birth control continuously, but some evenings I still find myself warmer than others (the nights I don’t need my heating pad). My mother-in-law (who also asked about the mattress, she knows a lot about sleep!) got me this gorgeous nightgown and robe set from Eileen West for my birthday this past December and the robe part has been perfect to strip off/on when I’m up at midnight. And 2am. And 4am. And 6am…
P.S. I did want to mention that both Abe and I tried this mouth tape (gifted) that Gwyneth Paltrow raved about to Jimmy Fallon, but did not find it made any difference — not for snoring and not for quality of sleep. I did want to warn that if you rip it off of dry lips in the middle of the night (like Abe) it will hurt. (This never happened to me though because my Cerave face slugging goes around my lip area.)
P.P.S. For those of you interested in a CPAP, my friend Kate Spencer shared her experience over at The Strategist in March.
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I’m tired, thatssss a lot! Thanks for sharing :)