An Apology to My Husband on His Birthday
Have you seen this penguin shirt? 🐧
Updated to add: Read Part II of this post here.
Abe and I got together in the late 90’s, a time when you could change a person just by changing their wardrobe. Or so I believed — because movies like Pretty Woman, Can’t Buy Me Love1 and Clueless showed me how powerful a good makeover could be — the basis of getting everything you wanted in life!
It’s not that I wanted to change Abe. I thought he was the best. I fell madly in love with him the week we started dating (and I told him so). And it’s not that he was geeky or nerdy. I thought he was the coolest, and I liked his style. It’s part of what attracted me to him.
But there was this one shirt.
I couldn’t stand this button-down shirt he owned. It was so soft that it pilled up constantly with tiny little lint balls. There was a penguin pattern on it — penguins doing random penguin shit like sliding and hanging out on ice.
I hated that shirt so much.
I knew it was wrong, but I couldn’t escape the nagging feeling that if I could just get him to get rid of that shirt, he could be a happier person. But I said nothing. I didn’t want him to think that I thought any less of him because he constantly wore that shirt (even though I did).
**** Can I remind you that I was only 20-years-old and at the height of my superficial immaturity before you hit unsubscribe? ***
This is the only photo of the shirt that survived, from senior year, 1998. The shirt is slightly pink because I (perhaps subconsciously in an attempt to destroy it) washed it with a red sock. Abe was not deterred by this sickly salmon shade (even though, at the time, most dudes were not casually wearing pink). He still buttoned it up with regularity and with gusto. We graduated college and that shirt graduated with us.
I remained quiet about my feelings re: penguin shirt for a long time. Until one day, maybe three years into our relationship, it just came out during a heated argument. I made my feelings known about how much I despised that article of clothing and how it represented everything I hated in that moment. So, no longer wanting to torture me, he offered to get rid of it.
“Happy?!?” he asked. “Yes!” I responded. And it was true, I did feel better.
But reader, of course you know, that in the 24 years that have passed since that shirt has left our lives, I have deeply regretted making him donate it. It comes up in conversation every now and then, and I always apologize. And he always shrugs it off. But we both know the truth: I WAS WRONG.
I mean, I was RIGHT in that the shirt was hideous (up for discussion still) but I was wrong to dismiss its powers. I mean, the fact that I’m writing an entire blog post dedicated to it means something magical emanated from its pill-y, penguin pattern, right? Maybe Abe was drawn to it because he saw that magic. And I couldn’t.
In the years since, there have been other versions of the penguin shirt. There are still items in Abe’s wardrobe that he wears all the time which I find questionable. And I’ll tell him so. But the conversation ends there. I’m not going to make him feel he needs to toss anything he enjoys. And, for the most part, there are many more things he owns (especially in the last few years) that I not only LOVE but want to steal from him. Like his Grandma’s Couch Adidas sneakers. And this Fear of God hoodie that happens to share his last-name initials!
So yeah. Today’s Abe’s birthday. And I want to not only publicly apologize to my husband for my mistake, but also to applaud him for his impeccable fashion style. Happy birthday, honey.
P.S. If anyone ever finds this shirt (or something similar), please let me know. Googling is challenging because there’s an entire menswear brand called “Penguin.”
P.P.S. As I finish writing this, Abe just modeled the Hokka Recovery Shoes he bought. Sigh. Stay tuned for another apology post from me in a few decades…
My aim is to keep these posts sponsor-free, so if you’d like to support me directly with a paid subscription, that would be very helpful. Please note: I do use affiliate links and may earn a commission when you purchase something. ShopMy Shelf here.
“Cindy Mancini” fashion appreciation post to come.